You would think that by the time I began my senior year of college I'd have my life figured out, or at least enough that I was pretty sure what would happen next and be able to just work for that. Well, I thought I had. And instead of just working through the year, trying to find a job I thought I'd like, I'm re-thinking everything, not exactly the best time to do that.
Granted part of what has me rethinking is the fact that I've been invited to apply for a masters degree program. That was something I never had considered previously both because I didn't think I'd want it and I didn't think I could afford it. Well affording it is still an issue but I'm actually starting to like the idea the more I look into it. So I'm collecting letters and scholarship applications like crazy. Its worth a try right? If it doesn't pan out I'll just go back to my original plan. I'm still pretty happy with that.
On a completely different note I pulled out my guitar last night. Running into someone I knew from back then really got me thinking. I've missed music. So much that it's been painful but it hurt just as much to think about it and re-hash what it was that I lost. But I need to move on. I know this, but its a lot easier to say it, to think it than to actually do it. There is more involved than just the rational parts of my brain. But I suppose the best way to start is to just go back to the music, back to playing and writing which was what got me into it in the first place. I know its going to hurt, and its going to suck for a while but I have to try. Its in my blood and its hurting just as much to push it away.
Ugh too much thinking. Sometimes life is a hell of a lot of work! I just want to go back to tending bar and only having to worry about how many drinks that guy had and if this guy was going to start a fight. Much less stress that's for sure and a hell of a lot less responsibility. Yeah, I'll just go back to that for a bit, worry about the rest of this crap later. It's not going to go anywhere. I'll worry about it tomorrow.